


Depression is a B-Word

by kazokuhouou



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post Mpreg, Postpartum Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 05:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17656832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazokuhouou/pseuds/kazokuhouou
Summary: If you had asked Patrick in the offseason whether his surprise pregnancy had been worth the Stanley Cup, he would have said yes, but it was definitely not worth Martin Brodeur yelling at him for being so stupid.Sequel to the final chapter of 14 Stories of Knocked-Up Goalies





	Depression is a B-Word

**Author's Note:**

> Cause apparently I just can't let people have happy endings without fighting for it.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~I knew I should've just written the Gritty/Mr. Blobby fic~~

He hadn’t been ready to come back at all.

Sure, _physically_ he was fine, playing better than ever-he was already hearing whispers that he might get the Conn Smythe for a third time if they make it to the final-but mentally…

He just wanted to disappear.

He just couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt he had ever time he looked at Izzy (who at least was growing beautifully) that he could have killed her by not knowing she was inside him. All the shots he’d taken to the stomach, all the alcohol he had drunk, that time he got run over...Already he was failing as a father by not knowing he was going to _be_ a father. He wanted to love his daughter but all he could see was all the mistakes he made.

At least Joe was a good father, he had thought. And at least he hadn’t noticed Patrick was faking it. Sometimes he thought Joe would be better off raising Izzy by himself. He knew he should bring it up with the therapist they both were seeing, but admittedly they both hadn’t been in a while because of the season and then they made the playoffs so they were busy as hell, too busy for therapy.

At least the team hadn’t noticed either. Sure, he wasn’t eating much or getting much sleep, but none of them were, too keyed up about the playoffs. He just had to pretend to be happy for a little longer, long enough to get that cup.

Then he can figure out what he’s going to do about this.

0-0-0-0-0-0

She sure wasn’t going to remember any of this, but he was glad Izzy was old enough to travel with them to New Jersey. Of course as soon as they got to the locker room they put her in the cup.

Outwardly he was smiling and laughing with the rest of the team. Inside he just felt numb.

Izzy began to cry and as he was closer, he went to check on her, determining that she was hungry. He grabbed a bottle from the diaper bag and went to find someplace quiet to feed her.

It was while he was feeding her that it all sunk in.

He’d just gotten his fourth Stanley Cup, his third Conn Smythe, helped a hockey legend FINALLY hoist the cup, gave birth to a beautiful daughter...and all he felt was sad.

Sad.

_Sad_.

00-0-0-0-0-0

Operation Keep-Marty-The-Fuck-Away-From-Patrick was a success, the Devils had thought.

Marty had been incensed when he found out about the surprise birth of Isabelle Roy. (They suspect part of it was that Patrick got away with playing while pregnant while _he_ didn’t.) He fully intended to find Patrick and yell at him for being so stupid. 

They had grumbled about how much a pain in the ass Marty’s hate boner for Patrick was getting to be, and worked hard to keep them away. The first game was easy, Patrick was still on IR and didn’t go to the game, but then both teams made the finals. And pregnant or not, Martin was going to come to the games to support them, and he wasn’t far enough along to get banned from flying.

So they really wanted to make sure nothing happened, because if the Avs got word about it they’d probably instigate a fight to defend Patrick’s honor, and while that’d make good entertainment, it’s not what they needed to win.

(A few of them were even concerned-though that they’d never say it out loud-that Patrick would just punch Marty directly, pregnancy be damned.)

Granted, now that they ended up on the wrong side of a Stanley Cup Final, they wonder if they should’ve just let Marty yell after all. If they got a few more of the Avs in the penalty box maybe they’d have gotten the Cup back.

After their final post-game talk and everyone showered they went to go change into their street clothes. 

They were surprised to see Patrick sitting outisde the locker room feeding his daughter.

“YOU!”

_Fuck_.

Marty shoved past Steve and stopped in front of Patrick. “How could you be so fucking _stupid_ not to realize you were pregnant?” he yelled. “You could’ve killed her!”

As Marty kept yelling at Patrick, Steve kept trying to pull him away, while Captain Scott tried to get the rest of the Devils to stop gawking. It was Steve who noticed the Avalanche goalie.

“Marty.”

“How do you even think you can be a good father, huh?”

“Marty!”

“What?”

Then he looked at Patrick. He was stunned to see Patrick just sit there, tears running down his face as he held Izzy tight.

That wasn’t like Patrick. Where was the yelling? Why hadn’t he tried to argue with him?

“Marty, let it go.”

“Patrick?” Marty tried to kneel down to his eye level, failing cause of his bump.

“Go on...” Patrick muttered. “You’re right after all.”

That wasn’t like Patrick _at all_.

“Hey. We haven’t seen Isabelle yet, why don’t you let us hold her while we talk?”

He meekly let Jason-the last Devil to have had a child until Marty gives birth-take Isabelle and he began to coo over her, while Scott got a chair for Marty.

“Did I hurt your feelings? I was just angry, I didn’t mean any of it.” He tried to wipe the tears off Patrick’s face.

“You’re just saying what everyone’s thinking. You’re saying what _I’m_ thinking.”

Martin frowned. “You’re not a bad father. You’re a good father.”

“Then why don’t I feel like I am?”

“Maybe I should get Joe,” Scott said.

“NO!” Patrick said, the most animated he’s been so far. “He...he doesn’t know I feel like this.”

“Like what?”

Patrick didn’t answer.

“Patrick?”

“What do you care? It’d be easier for you if I was just gone.”

Now Martin was alarmed. “Patrick...”

“I’m just...numb.”

“Patrick,” Jason said, still holding a cooing Izzy. “How long have you felt like his?”

“Not long after Izzy was born.”

“Fuck.” Jason looked at Scott and Martin looked at the two of them. It hadn’t been made public, but Jason had suffered postpartum depression after giving birth to his daughter. The team and his husband (a non-hockey player) had helped him through it, but now this was sounding _very_ familiar to them.

Scott went to get Joe, Patrick’s request be damned.

Martin meanwhile was trying to talk to Patrick. “Have you told anyone about how you’re feeling?”

He shook his head. “Been too busy with the playoffs.”

“I think you should. They can help you and you’d feel better. You want to feel better for Isabelle, right?” Patrick nodded and Martin breathed a sigh of relief. So he wasn’t that far gone yet. “It’s not hopeless. We may be rivals on the ice but off it I do want you to be okay.”

Patrick looked up. “I’m not okay.” He teared up again. “What’s wrong with me?”

That just broke both Martin’s and Jason’s hearts.

0-0-0-0-0-

Celebrations were still going on in the Avs locker room when Scott came in.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be here,” Peter said, mostly joking. 

Scott ignored him and looked for Joe, speeding over when he found him. None of them heard what Scott said to him, but they all definitely noticed when Joe got pale and ran out of the locker room.

“What’s going on?”

If the situation wasn’t so serious Peter would’ve laughed at Scott’s deer-in-the-headlights look.

“I...don’t know if I should say. He needed to know, I don’t know if anyone else should yet.”

“Fuck.” Looking around, they realized Patrick was still missing, and that meant the problem was with him.

“I...I need to get back to my team,” Scott said awkwardly.

0-0-0-0

What kind of mate _was_ he?!

When Scott said Patrick needed him, he thought something happened to Izzy. When he then said “Jason thinks he has postpartum depression”, his heart stopped.

How could he have not noticed that his mate was suffering the whole time? Joe felt horrible. He knew they shouldn’t have put off going to the therapist. First thing tomorrow before the parade he’s calling for an emergency appointment. That is...if...if he didn’t need help NOW.

Joe wasn’t sure he could handle it if Patrick was actually suicidal.

He ran to the away team’s side to find Patrick. He actually ran into Jason first, who was letting Izzy play with his fingers.

“Is...”

“I gave them some privacy when he started to cry. He begged for you.” Jason smiled bitterly. “I’m making sure the rest of the team gives him and Marty privacy.”

Joe went around the corner to see Patrick hugging Martin tight, shaking. Martin hugged him the best he could with his belly, looking up and seeing Joe.

“Your mate’s here,” he said softly.

Patrick nodded but it took him a minute to pull away. When he did, he muttered “your stupid kid kicked me.”

Marty laughed. “That sounds more like you, Patrick.”

He shakily smiled before looking at Joe.

“Joe, I need help. I don’t want to feel numb anymore.”

Joe stepped forward and hugged him. “We’ll get it.”

0-0-0-0-0

If you had asked Patrick in the offseason whether his surprise pregnancy had been worth the Stanley Cup, he would have said yes, but it was definitely not worth Martin Brodeur yelling at him for being so stupid. People naturally thought it was about their rivalry, but it was because the next few months of getting treated for his depression took a lot out of him, and he blamed Martin a little for it.

He was grateful the team helped him through it, and especially that Joe stuck with him throughout treatment. It was the happiest day of his life when he held Izzy after feeding her and actually felt _happy_.

He wasn’t ashamed to admit he cried a little while Izzy patted his cheek, and Joe did too when he said why he was crying.

If you had asked Patrick at the beginning of next season whether Izzy had been worth the Stanley Cup, he would have said yes. And that he owes a debt to Martin Brodeur.

Which didn’t stop him from punching Marty the first time they had a game together. It just meant right after he hugged him and whispered ‘thank you’ a bunch.

Marty just laughed, said ‘guess I deserved that’ to the gawking reporters, then asked if Patrick wanted to meet the boy that had kicked him.


End file.
